Knowledge Base

Zombie Body Parts in Fiction

Zombie Body Parts in Fiction

Zombie body parts sentences are bad writing where you've made the subject a specific part of the body. They typically arise as body language beats in dialogue, but can also occur in descriptions or exposition.

They seem like such a good idea at first. You're looking at a dialogue sentence like this:

   "You wish!" she said.

A body language beat sounds good here. Here are some alternatives:

  •    "You wish!" she said, rolling her eyes.
  •    "You wish!" She rolled her eyes.

    The last one is tighter prose, but you've already written "She rolled her eyes" about ten times in the novel already. So, why not vary it? Let's write it in a cooler, edgy way:

  •    "You wish!" Her eyes rolled.

    Does it sound good? Ugh! Well, it's fine if she's a zombie.

    That's a zombie body part phrase. The subject of the sentence is "Her eyes" rather than "She," and the result seems like it should be fine, but it's not. Your reader will see this in their mind:

  •    "You wish!" Her eyes rolled across the street.

    Blame the human mind. For some reason, there are various phrases like this where readers will see as a disconnected piece of flesh acting separately from the character's body. Some more examples:

  •    His ears flapped in the wind.
  •    Her fingers wrapped on the desktop.
  •    Her toenails glinted in the sun.
  •    His head spun around.
  •    His chest bent down.
  •    Her foot kicked the ball.
  •    His fist pounded the desk.
  •    Her neck stretched to see better.
  •    The fly was splatted by her hand.

    What do you see in your mind's eye? Is it a scene from a B-grade zombie movie? Some of these are better than others.

    Not all uses of body parts are wrong. Here are some examples that seem to read fine:

  •    Her throat tightened.
  •    His toes twitched.
  •    His hand twisted the doorknob.
  •    His fingers whitened around the pen.

    These seem mostly fine, without the extra visions.

    Zombie Clothing and Props

    Similar comments apply to sentences where a character's clothing is the subject, or where a prop they are using is the subject. Again, the mind will see a discombobulated vision of the object, unconnected to the character. Some examples:

  •    His shirt raised up as he stood.
  •    The pen flew over the paper.
  •    Her heels jumped over the curb.
  •    His pants turned down the alleyway.
  •    The doorknob turned.
  •    The morsel dropped off the fork into his mouth.
  •    The steering wheel turned to the left.

    But there are also such phrases that are probably fine:

  •    Her hat flew off.
  •    His socks landed in the hamper.
  •    The pen pressed intensely on the paper.
  •    The gate clanged shut.
  •    The door rattled.
  •    The car's power window wound down.
  •    The car's indicator clicked incessantly.

    And ... well, if you're writing about zombies, that's all fine. Maybe that's a good plot twist.

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